Church Bulletin Blunders

These never fail to lift my spirits after a day of mank. Some of these literally brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Here's a selection of my favourites (thanks to my sister, Rachel):

Church Ladies With typewriters . .. .

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:   The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'  --------------------------  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.  --------------------------  Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.  --------------------------   Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.  --------------------------   At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.  --------------------------  Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.   --------------------------  The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.  --------------------------  Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.  --------------------------  Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

--------------------------  Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.  --------------------------  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.  -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.