I am avoiding facing tomorrow.
I am anxious about tomorrow.
There's a lot that could happen; a lot that will happen. Undoubtedly, potential for a lot to go wrong.
And the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I'll have to face it. So logically, if I don't go to sleep, I won't have to face it, right?
If only that were true. It works for a little while, but eventually tomorrow will be here, and I'll have to face it but without as much sleep.
I'm not sure why I'm worried about tomorrow. It should be pretty straightforward:
- Coffee with a mate
- 4 hours of lectures with a monotonic lecturer (potential for catch-up on sleep, there)
- 1 hour of Aural training (I genuinely love these classes)
- Dinner with my pastor
- Music rehearsal with a friend
Easy. So why am I anxious?
I'm not sure, but even this blog post is another avoidance tactic. I guess it's time to sleep on it.
2 comments:
Some time back I (with assistance) finally worked out that most of my problems (and there are many, let me assure you) come down to a battle between what I feel and what I know.
The world places a great deal of value on feelings today, but God tells us that "the heart is deceitful above all things" (Jeremiah 17:9). Therefore, feelings (based on the desires of our heart) are not to be trusted. One might say something like, "but what about the love I feel for my family and my friends?" Allow me to distinguish.
Let's face it, my parents drive me nuts sometimes (and I'm sure I return the favour). That's something I feel and it's based on self-centred emotion. But I love them so dearly because of what I know about them - I know they have dedicated most of their lives to caring for me and nurturing me and that they will continue to do so for the remainder of their lives (even though the primary responsibility for me now lies with another).
Similarly, we love God not because of what we feel (in terms of our own desires), but because of what we know - that He sent His Son to take our punishment that we might be made worthy in His sight. Yes, that invokes "feelings" in me, but they are feelings based on truth, not on the selfish deceit in my heart.
So trust what you know, what God has told us in His Word, and not your feelings. Yes, easier said that done. My own battles continue on virtually a daily basis, but I am thankful I now know what I must do to fight them. Proverbs 3:5
I can also admit to many attempts of avoiding the inevitable. And I have sometimes almost grasped upon the God given wisdom of Rachel, but have yet to been able to implement it.
Prayers for you brother; that you enjoy the good parts of the day and that you don't end up berating yourself for your avoidance attempts. May God give you strength to see the truth past the feelings, and perhaps may He share some of that with me :)
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