God doesn't want me to be Happy

Every now and again you're struck by an inconvenient truth. This one hit me a few years ago, but like many of life's harder lessons, I need to be reminded of it time and time again.

The lesson is this:

God doesn't want me to be happy.

Well, to clarify, God's primary purpose for my life is not my happiness.

Like many things in Christianity, this message runs counter-cultural to the 'me-focused' world of today. Most of our contemporaries would say if something isn't making you happy - a job, a relationship, a marriage etc - leave it and find something that does.

Recently I am finding myself having to make a very difficult personal decision. I have two options.

The first is pursuing something which I feel might make me happy, and we're talking a long-term happiness thing - not the fleeting 'wow I've just eaten half a block of chocolate' happiness.
Unfortunately, it still concerns what is (in my head at least) a theological grey area in terms of morality. Certainly, I feel I can't pursue this with a clear conscience before God.

The second option is the safer option - God will have no objection, but I'll be saying goodbye to that particular chance for happiness. Not only that, but there will be a number of long-term negative emotions which will accompany the decision.

I know which decision I would like to make (duh!) but I am reminded that God's chief concern isn't for our Happiness, but for our Holiness.

I believe He grieves our pain with us, certainly, but what He seeks most is for us to conform to the image of Christ and his righteousness. So, I guess that means that the 'But this will make you happy' argument isn't enough to justify a decision you can't make on a clear conscience.

Besides, God does promises that the road that leads to Life is narrow, and the gate is small. Perhaps this suggests that the right decisions will be the harder ones?

Or, to put it another way, as one of my best friends articulated in an email to me,

...if we’re being refined like gold, then it’s got to be hot.

 I still have a lot of thinking to do, but I thought this was a milestone worth sharing.

Encouragement, but at what cost?

'Encouragement' is a word that Christians throw around a lot. And I mean a lot.

Like with respect to  many terms or expressions in 'pop-Christianese', I think half of those who use it understand it half as sure as they think they do, and sure enough the other half probably use it twice as often as they ought.

Encouragement itself is not a bad thing. Certainly, it would be great if there were less talking about it and more 'doing it'. Unfortunately though, I think we need to be mindful of where it comes from.

I wonder if anyone has ever said to you, brimming with enthusiasm, 'I'm just so encouraged by how God is working in your life.' Maybe it's come after you got the you were chasing, or in response to how you've been serving in the church.

That's great, and definitely reason to take hope in God's goodness toward that particular individual.

But sometimes, this isn't always the case. Sometimes the encouragement we glean from others comes at great personal cost to them. It may have come out of a long-term emotional battle, or from making what they felt was the right decision in a tough situation even though it nearly killed them inside to do it.

Having struggled with depression for a long time, it's certainly been a roller-coaster of ups and downs. And God has certainly blessed me with opportunities to love and serve others through it all. Along the way, when sharing my story with loving, well-meaning Christians, I have oft encountered the remark,

"Wow, I am just so encouraged by how God is working in your life."

And hey, that's great. I am glad that you can be inspired and all - motivated on to a greater purpose and greater good, maybe even riding an emotional wave as you go - but where has that come from?

You haven't had to endure the internal angst which has lead up to that point, or possibly the heartbreak that follows. Why should I have to endure this pain so that others can be encouraged?

I realise I sound very self-centred, and I think at some level I am, though I want to suggest that encouragement shouldn't end there. Maybe the person whose story has encouraged you needs encouragement back, so that they themselves can keep striving towards that greater good and purpose with you.

--UPDATE--

Sorry folks, I should point out that this isn't in response or directed at any person or persons in particular. It's something that has been percolating in my head for a number of months, finally put to paper. Please don't look for any hidden subtext.

Misery has loved company

It's true. And today marks the last 'Eternal Hope' meeting at Moore College. All of the students have finished their exams for the year, and many are starting to head off this weekend.

While I still have a month to go at AIM, I'm taking this opportunity to reflect on the past year and the blessing that EH has been to my time here at college.

EH, for any new readers among us, is a group I established here at college based on a ministry of the same name that runs at my church.

The idea was to create a meeting place for college residents to get together to share struggles, battles with loneliness, difficult life events, and anything else which might be burdening the heart. Amidst the facade of 'having it all together' (which sadly is all to common in Christian environments), it was a place where people could be real with each other - weep with those who weep.

Today, we are getting together over coffee for a time of thanksgiving and prayer, and we have a lot to be thankful to God for, such as:

• The strength to meet and love one another through the hard times
• The strength to serve one another, and vision to look out for each other
• Opportunities to pray for each other, and the larger college community
• The reassurance that we are loved by our Christian brothers and sisters (and by God), no matter where we're at
  

I want to say thank you to everyone who has prayed for us as a group - I hope that in your prayers you'll also rejoice with us in the progress and successes that individual members have had throughout the year.

It has been a huge privilege to meet with this amazing group of people, and I want to thank each one of them for there courageousness to be vulnerable, their humility in letting us serve them, and their grace in responding in love to each and every person in the group. I am so grateful for each one of them, and for how they have made the group what it is today.

My future here at Moore College remains unknown - I am waiting to see if there will be rooms for Uni Boarders next year. Regardless of wherever God may take me, and whether or not I will be a part of it next year, I hope you will pray with me that EH will continue at Moore College, and provide a safe shelter full of love, grace, compassion and kindness, all to the glory of God. SG

Finding that Joy (...down in my heart)

Last Sunday at church, my pastor started a new sermon series on Joy, and we ran with that theme last night at bible study.

He kicked off the study with a song - a remake of an old Christian 'classic' called
'I've got the Joy (Down in my Heart)'. Here's this new version that he played.




The group's reaction to the song was mixed: some said it made them want to cry. Others said they wanted to cut their wrists. (Personally, if anything was going to drive me to find relief in pain, it would be the original version, made famous by Sunday schools everywhere, and infamous by Rod and Todd Flanders on The Simpsons.)

I, on the other hand, loved it. It did make me want to cry, but in a cathartic way, because it seemed to articulate my own experience of Joy that the Bible talks about.

It's easy to have joy and rejoice in the good times, but there are many instances where the Bible speaks of Joy in the context of suffering. Despite trying times, Christians throughout the ages have rejoiced in God.

For many years, hampered in no small way by my own struggles with depression and other things, I doubted my identity in Christ, my assurance of Salvation as a Christian, because I never 'felt' this overwhelming joy that seemed to be a staple in the lives of other Christians. I understood the gospel, I understood that I had been rescued from my sin by Jesus, and that I was awaiting a grand inheritance in the life to come (Ephesians 1-2), but any positive feelings were often suppressed by my own experiences. Did this mean I hadn't really 'gotten' the gospel, and something was missing in me as a Christian?

Looking at this song, I think it clearly paints the message I am trying to remember every day. The writer has taken the original lyrics and melody which still hold their original meaning, but by placing them in a more solemn and harrowing harmonic context, we can re-examine and understand the lyrics in a whole new way. And gain an amazing appreciation for them as we do so!

The lyrics represent the truth of the Gospel. The harmonic context (of both versions of the song) represent one's circumstances: either bright and happy, or difficult and driving to despair.

The great thing is that no matter our circumstances, the truth of the Gospel and our assurance of salvation in Christ remain unchanged - and these give us reason to hope.

Who Jesus is, and who we are in Him, give us reason to have joy, and rejoice. Even if it takes all our strength to utter such simple words.

Because sometimes it does. And that's ok. God understands, and He loves us all the same. SG


I would love to hear others' thoughts about this song. Leave them in the comments below.

The Plight of Perfectionism

I'm a perfectionist. I have been for most of my life. Sometimes even bordering on OCD when it comes to certain things.

I've heard a few ideas on perfectionism, and the one that particularly intrigues me is one which suggests that rather than simply trying to be high achievers, we perfectionists are more focused on the fear of failure. That's certainly true of me: I am terrified of the thought of failing at something, and even though the high marks which often accompany perfectionism are gratifying, there is always the nagging thought which says, 'You should have done better.'

I am also a terrible procrastinator. I could organise my way out of any dilemma, but if procrastination were currency, I'd be metaphorically rolling in it.

Image courtesy of:

I once heard a helpful idea which tries to link the two - perfectionism and procrastination. Basically, a lot of procrastinators procrastinate because they are afraid of failing at whatever they keep putting off. Again, this is certainly true of me.

For instance, at the moment, I should be working on my composition assignment. I love music, and I love writing music, but because I'm so afraid that what I come up with is going to be potentially offensive on a cellular level, I am sitting here writing my ideas about procrastination instead.

Incidentally, this makes you, dear reader, complicit in my procrastination. Thanks for being a part of it.

In the past few months I've formed my own theory about why we procrastinate, and the different ways people work out there perfectionist tendencies. I'm sure these have been postulated before by others, but I've never heard them, and I've come up with these on my own, so I'm not going to cite anyone and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

If one's perfectionism stems from fearing failure, I think people respond in either one of two ways:

1. We procrastinate - we put things off because we're terrified of doing a bad job. Usually, when we get to it we do it well, but it's often a rush-job and could have been ten times better.

OR

2. We obsess over it - we put so much time and effort into it that it consumes us. Take the pianist who, to you and me, is amazing, but is still so insecure about his performance that he practices hours and hours and hours a day. The result is that he is a virtuoso in his art (likely in everyone's opinion but his own), but is his joy in his art dampened by his tireless pursuit to flee failure?

I'm certainly in the first category. I'd like to be in the second, because at least I'd have something to show for my stress.

What about you? Do you procrastinate? Which category would you assign yourself to? Do you work out perfectionism in a different way? What strategies do you use to avoid procrastination?

Appreciate any thoughts and feedback - this procrastination is killing me.

Although not as much as my composition, which I suppose I'd better try to get back to.

SG