The Plight of Perfectionism

I'm a perfectionist. I have been for most of my life. Sometimes even bordering on OCD when it comes to certain things.

I've heard a few ideas on perfectionism, and the one that particularly intrigues me is one which suggests that rather than simply trying to be high achievers, we perfectionists are more focused on the fear of failure. That's certainly true of me: I am terrified of the thought of failing at something, and even though the high marks which often accompany perfectionism are gratifying, there is always the nagging thought which says, 'You should have done better.'

I am also a terrible procrastinator. I could organise my way out of any dilemma, but if procrastination were currency, I'd be metaphorically rolling in it.

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I once heard a helpful idea which tries to link the two - perfectionism and procrastination. Basically, a lot of procrastinators procrastinate because they are afraid of failing at whatever they keep putting off. Again, this is certainly true of me.

For instance, at the moment, I should be working on my composition assignment. I love music, and I love writing music, but because I'm so afraid that what I come up with is going to be potentially offensive on a cellular level, I am sitting here writing my ideas about procrastination instead.

Incidentally, this makes you, dear reader, complicit in my procrastination. Thanks for being a part of it.

In the past few months I've formed my own theory about why we procrastinate, and the different ways people work out there perfectionist tendencies. I'm sure these have been postulated before by others, but I've never heard them, and I've come up with these on my own, so I'm not going to cite anyone and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

If one's perfectionism stems from fearing failure, I think people respond in either one of two ways:

1. We procrastinate - we put things off because we're terrified of doing a bad job. Usually, when we get to it we do it well, but it's often a rush-job and could have been ten times better.

OR

2. We obsess over it - we put so much time and effort into it that it consumes us. Take the pianist who, to you and me, is amazing, but is still so insecure about his performance that he practices hours and hours and hours a day. The result is that he is a virtuoso in his art (likely in everyone's opinion but his own), but is his joy in his art dampened by his tireless pursuit to flee failure?

I'm certainly in the first category. I'd like to be in the second, because at least I'd have something to show for my stress.

What about you? Do you procrastinate? Which category would you assign yourself to? Do you work out perfectionism in a different way? What strategies do you use to avoid procrastination?

Appreciate any thoughts and feedback - this procrastination is killing me.

Although not as much as my composition, which I suppose I'd better try to get back to.

SG