Avoiding the inevitable

Tonight I realised (realised, read 'admitted') why I sit here night after night on Facebook for a good half hour or so before finally trying to go to sleep.

I am avoiding facing tomorrow.

I am anxious about tomorrow.

There's a lot that could happen; a lot that will happen. Undoubtedly, potential for a lot to go wrong.

And the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I'll have to face it. So logically, if I don't go to sleep, I won't have to face it, right?

If only that were true. It works for a little while, but eventually tomorrow will be here, and I'll have to face it but without as much sleep.

I'm not sure why I'm worried about tomorrow. It should be pretty straightforward:

• Coffee with a mate
• 4 hours of lectures with a monotonic lecturer (potential for catch-up on sleep, there)
• 1 hour of Aural training (I genuinely love these classes)
• Dinner with my pastor
• Music rehearsal with a friend

Easy. So why am I anxious?

I'm not sure, but even this blog post is another avoidance tactic. I guess it's time to sleep on it.

Something I've learned from an atheist friend

Atheists and non-atheists are very different. That’s obvious. While we may share some views about life and morality, the foundations which underpin these views are very different.

Likewise when it comes to how we find meaning and purpose in our life. We all long to ascribe some form a greater ‘Meaning’ to the 80 years or so with which we are given.

Speaking as a theist (specifically a Christian), I have often struggled to grasp how the atheist manages to find this Meaning. If we are all, in fact, merely time and chance acting on matter, destined to return to the dust and nothing more, then everything (both in the individual and global perspective) can be of no consequence.  If everything is of no consequence, then why would one invest oneself in others? The benefits to either party are brief – whether they are forgotten and irrelevant in 1 year, 10 years, or 100 years, they will be forgotten.

The Bible paints a different picture. It says that everything is relevant, and everything has eternal consequence.

Which party would you expect to be the more charitable, generous, less-self-seeking? The one whose belief system holds that there may not be any greater meaning beyond death, or the one who is convinced that there is?

Recently, I have had the pleasure of making friends with an atheist whose charitable endeavours, compassion and good-will would bring shame to many Christians (myself included). While our views on many things differ significantly, what has stuck me is altruistic nature.

This isn’t because I think atheists cannot be altrustic – I don’t. The question it does raise for me however, is why do many Christians seem to lack the altruism and zeal for ‘making the most of life’ that seem present in many atheists/agnostics? 

I found this question perplexing, but Timothy Keller (in his book The Reason for God, 2009, p.19) makes a rather succinct point which helps explain this.

Christianity not only leads its members to believe people of other faiths have goodness and wisdom to offer, it also leads them to expect that many will live lives morally superior to their own. Most people in our culture believe that, if there is a God, we can relate to him and go to heaven through leading a good life. Let's call this the 'moral improvement' view. Christianity teaches the very opposte. In the Christian understanding, Jesus does not tell us how to live so we can merit salvation. Rather, he comes to forgive and save us through his life and death in our place. God's grace does not come to people who morally outperform others, but to those who admit their failure to perform and who acknowledge their need for Saviour.

Christians, then should expect to find non-believers who are much nicer, kinder, wiser and better than they are. Why? Christians believers are not accepted by God because of their oral performance, wisdom or virtue, but because of Christ's work on their behalf.

That said, does that mean Christians like me don't need to be altruistic, or standing up for the poor and down-trodden? Not at all! Rather, I think that any such acts for Christians, instead of coming from an idea of spiritual or moral atonement, come from a heart responding in thanks to The greatest altruistic act in history - Jesus giving His life for us on the Cross.

So I want to thank my friend for his (unwitting) gift to me. I hope there are other lessons I'll be able to learn from him, but I hope and pray even more that he will one day know that God loves him, and he'll do even more amazing things for others because the amazing things that God has done for him.

God doesn't want me to be Happy

Every now and again you're struck by an inconvenient truth. This one hit me a few years ago, but like many of life's harder lessons, I need to be reminded of it time and time again.

The lesson is this:

God doesn't want me to be happy.

Well, to clarify, God's primary purpose for my life is not my happiness.

Like many things in Christianity, this message runs counter-cultural to the 'me-focused' world of today. Most of our contemporaries would say if something isn't making you happy - a job, a relationship, a marriage etc - leave it and find something that does.

Recently I am finding myself having to make a very difficult personal decision. I have two options.

The first is pursuing something which I feel might make me happy, and we're talking a long-term happiness thing - not the fleeting 'wow I've just eaten half a block of chocolate' happiness.
Unfortunately, it still concerns what is (in my head at least) a theological grey area in terms of morality. Certainly, I feel I can't pursue this with a clear conscience before God.

The second option is the safer option - God will have no objection, but I'll be saying goodbye to that particular chance for happiness. Not only that, but there will be a number of long-term negative emotions which will accompany the decision.

I know which decision I would like to make (duh!) but I am reminded that God's chief concern isn't for our Happiness, but for our Holiness.

I believe He grieves our pain with us, certainly, but what He seeks most is for us to conform to the image of Christ and his righteousness. So, I guess that means that the 'But this will make you happy' argument isn't enough to justify a decision you can't make on a clear conscience.

Besides, God does promises that the road that leads to Life is narrow, and the gate is small. Perhaps this suggests that the right decisions will be the harder ones?

Or, to put it another way, as one of my best friends articulated in an email to me,

...if we’re being refined like gold, then it’s got to be hot.

 I still have a lot of thinking to do, but I thought this was a milestone worth sharing.

Encouragement, but at what cost?

'Encouragement' is a word that Christians throw around a lot. And I mean a lot.

Like with respect to  many terms or expressions in 'pop-Christianese', I think half of those who use it understand it half as sure as they think they do, and sure enough the other half probably use it twice as often as they ought.

Encouragement itself is not a bad thing. Certainly, it would be great if there were less talking about it and more 'doing it'. Unfortunately though, I think we need to be mindful of where it comes from.

I wonder if anyone has ever said to you, brimming with enthusiasm, 'I'm just so encouraged by how God is working in your life.' Maybe it's come after you got the you were chasing, or in response to how you've been serving in the church.

That's great, and definitely reason to take hope in God's goodness toward that particular individual.

But sometimes, this isn't always the case. Sometimes the encouragement we glean from others comes at great personal cost to them. It may have come out of a long-term emotional battle, or from making what they felt was the right decision in a tough situation even though it nearly killed them inside to do it.

Having struggled with depression for a long time, it's certainly been a roller-coaster of ups and downs. And God has certainly blessed me with opportunities to love and serve others through it all. Along the way, when sharing my story with loving, well-meaning Christians, I have oft encountered the remark,

"Wow, I am just so encouraged by how God is working in your life."

And hey, that's great. I am glad that you can be inspired and all - motivated on to a greater purpose and greater good, maybe even riding an emotional wave as you go - but where has that come from?

You haven't had to endure the internal angst which has lead up to that point, or possibly the heartbreak that follows. Why should I have to endure this pain so that others can be encouraged?

I realise I sound very self-centred, and I think at some level I am, though I want to suggest that encouragement shouldn't end there. Maybe the person whose story has encouraged you needs encouragement back, so that they themselves can keep striving towards that greater good and purpose with you.

--UPDATE--

Sorry folks, I should point out that this isn't in response or directed at any person or persons in particular. It's something that has been percolating in my head for a number of months, finally put to paper. Please don't look for any hidden subtext.

Misery has loved company

It's true. And today marks the last 'Eternal Hope' meeting at Moore College. All of the students have finished their exams for the year, and many are starting to head off this weekend.

While I still have a month to go at AIM, I'm taking this opportunity to reflect on the past year and the blessing that EH has been to my time here at college.

EH, for any new readers among us, is a group I established here at college based on a ministry of the same name that runs at my church.

The idea was to create a meeting place for college residents to get together to share struggles, battles with loneliness, difficult life events, and anything else which might be burdening the heart. Amidst the facade of 'having it all together' (which sadly is all to common in Christian environments), it was a place where people could be real with each other - weep with those who weep.

Today, we are getting together over coffee for a time of thanksgiving and prayer, and we have a lot to be thankful to God for, such as:

• The strength to meet and love one another through the hard times
• The strength to serve one another, and vision to look out for each other
• Opportunities to pray for each other, and the larger college community
• The reassurance that we are loved by our Christian brothers and sisters (and by God), no matter where we're at
  

I want to say thank you to everyone who has prayed for us as a group - I hope that in your prayers you'll also rejoice with us in the progress and successes that individual members have had throughout the year.

It has been a huge privilege to meet with this amazing group of people, and I want to thank each one of them for there courageousness to be vulnerable, their humility in letting us serve them, and their grace in responding in love to each and every person in the group. I am so grateful for each one of them, and for how they have made the group what it is today.

My future here at Moore College remains unknown - I am waiting to see if there will be rooms for Uni Boarders next year. Regardless of wherever God may take me, and whether or not I will be a part of it next year, I hope you will pray with me that EH will continue at Moore College, and provide a safe shelter full of love, grace, compassion and kindness, all to the glory of God. SG