Now, I'm a firm believer in the 'blessing of singleness'; that being free of a spouse leaves more time and energy to serve God. However like many, I'm sure, my attitude towards my singleness waxes and wanes depending on my various circumstances and mood.
At the moment, I'm at the low end of the cycle. And when you're at the low end, going out to dinner in a group of five married / engaged couples, and you, is not the best thing for your sanity. But in the middle of all that loneliness, there can be some good things, like the comment a friend of mine made to me a few nights after I had helped him nut out a few things.
"...a married scooter could not love me as well as a single scoot! Like the time you gave me last night."I guess as much as singleness gives you more time to serve God, it also gives you more time to love and serve those around you. Personally, God's blessed me with an abundance of amazing friends, and I should take the opportunity to love and serve them as much as possible while I can. It's not the cure to loneliness, but it's a good and worthy distraction.
Another friend, feeling a little down one night, made a comment on FB asking for advice on what they could do to feel better. In contrast to the recommendations of alcohol and other self-focused things, I suggested doing something nice for somebody else. It sounds tacky, but I truly believe it works.
So if you're single, and feeling lonely, do something for a friend. Cook your busy, married friends a meal. Shout a single friend a coffee, or surprise them with a cake. Random acts of kindness are great (bake a batch of muffins and distribute them to your friends' doorsteps).
Serve God. Serve others. And if there's anything left, treat yourself to something nice too.
SG
PS. Ask me over the next few weeks if I'm practising what I'm preaching.
11 comments:
Scoot, I think you are a fantastic single person and would be a fantastic married person. Keep on loving people :)
Scott
You are a remarkable person and I admire your positive outlook on life.
Your advice that you gave me did in fact help and I do hope that next time I feel so down that I will endeavor to do just that again. It's amazing how just one small gesture that helps another person makes you feel sooo much better!
Wish I could have something insightful to say about "singleness" but having been married to the most amazing hubby for coming up to 6 years that Im afraid I cant offer much on this subject.
All I can say is continue with enjoying your single life and when you meet that fantastic woman that changes that status, just enjoy the next chapter of your life!
But in the meantime your doing a good job being an awesome friend and it sounds like your friends really appreciate that too:)
Yeah buddy, I agree with Leah. You are an amazing dude. You're probably not going to appreciate people telling you how great you are on your blog, but suck it up princess!! ha ha.
It's funny, I'm obviously not the wisest or the most experienced at 'not being single' but I didn't realise how good being single was till I wasn't single anymore. That's a major cliche, and I'm not saying that being engaged isn't good, it's just different. And being single was really great in different ways to how being engaged is really great.
I guess all I can say is make sure you practice what you preach ha ha. And I'm tempted to say something really corny and dumb like 'you'll make a special lady very happy one day' ha ha, but the truth is, if that is your calling, you will :)
You're right.
Question for you from the flip-side though, from someone who as a single guy was constantly frustrated at the being with "a group of five married / engaged couples" (or those in relationships at least)... and now having that 'status change' and being in a relationship, how can we show love to the single people and not make you feel like the third (or eleventh) wheel?
Aww, thanks guys. The ego-inflation isn't what I was looking for, but like I said: God has blessed me with amazing friends.
Shannon, truth be told I'm not an overly positive person. I guess it's just finding things to get through each day and putting smiles on others' faces, if you can't manage one on your own.
Jason, good question. This is something I have often thought about, and had put to me every now and then and I haven't really come to a definitive answer. At some level, the responsibility is on us as the singles to be 'content in all circumstances'. Content with where we are at, with what God has given us, and rejoice with those of you who can rejoice in the blessing of a deeper relationship.
Perhaps two things that bug me (and others) are when those in relationships make it a mission to 'set up' the rest of us. Thanks, but no thanks.
The other can be in those group situations where the couples get all gooey about how wonderful married life is. Again, it's a 'rejoice with those who rejoice' situation, but mindfulness of others might temper discussion a bit, which could reduce the eleventh wheel feeling.
Being content in all circumstances is so difficult! I'm so glad you wrote this Scooter because it is something that a lot of us think about..it's nice to know that I'm not the only single person out there!
One thing I disagree on though - I think that to an extent, I would appreciate not being 'set up' with someone, but being 'thought of' in regards to my relationship status and that of those around me. I don't like the idea of being 'set up' because it brings with it unwanted pressure but I wouldn't mind a slight nudge in someone else's direction provided they were being nudged in mine.
I see a lot of christian guys (i'm sure it works both ways too) who seem to rejoice and parade their singleness while the girls around them struggle to do the same (not saying they aren't enojying themselves) - perhaps a little elbowing in the direction of the opposite sex can sometimes be helpful to those trying to find their feet in the already hard enough world of christian dating?
Joshua 1:9
..Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Thanks for commenting, Grace! I think I agree with your sentiments. I'm sure that for some who are wanting to look in that direction, but are unsure about how to go about it, or too nervous to 'make a move', sometimes a little nudge in the right direction might be helpful.
I think I am referring more to those who are intentionally not looking for a relationship (be that for any number of reasons) yet feel unwanted pressure from others to go there. I know some people who have found that really difficult, including myself.
Unwanted pressure is never nice but I guess that for those looking on the outside at someone who says they are intentionally not looking for a relationship.. sometimes the mistake can be made (but is it always a mistake?) of thinking that person is simply avoiding or 'hiding' from relationships because of the hassle or emotions that seem to be involved. Maybe being a little more vocal about why you're single and why you're intentionally staying that way could prevent some of the pressure single people feel.
On a side note..I think that a lot of christian people also struggle with the opposite - letting people know that they are open to a little help or direction sometimes.
Either way, if you're single and want to stay that way for whatever reason, or if you're single and hoping to change that at some point - let people know. Don't feel like you have to tell the whole world, but don't feel like you can't have the conversation at all.
I'm not going to reccommend Mark Driscoll's sermons on dating right now..talk about unwanted pressure..ha ha
It's good to here your still going strong. I will endorse Alex's comment that life just changes when you're married. The need to consult someone else on most things and the requirement to be responsible and plan ahead just changes life completely.
I have hear the adage: "buy things now that you won't be able to buy as a couple" I don't endorse the big screen TV but I can tell you I'm struggling to get the new DSLR past the wife.
Accommodating another person's wants and needs requires a complete shift in thinking. It sounds selfish but singledom is a freedom.
Singledom is freedom?-freedom without responsibility- absolute freedom is just another form of tyranny/chain... tried it before..
A complementary love relationship brings synergy/deeper joy and there is sweetness in sharing and discovering someone special, there's an understanding/affinity that can be communicated even without words-some opportunities are not to be missed, if only we can recognised those opportunities and give others a chance...before it's too late...
Your relationship with others tell you alot about yourself. Even in the worst relationship that one experienced, one learn to understand about themselves & grow to become a better, enriched person.
As for optimism, I read this-from a helping friend who also was struggling:
For yesterday is but a dream & tomorrow only a vision, but today, well-lived, makes everything yesterday a dream of happiness, & every tomorrow a vision of hope & joy. So look well then to this day:)
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