Church Bulletin Blunders

These never fail to lift my spirits after a day of mank. Some of these literally brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Here's a selection of my favourites (thanks to my sister, Rachel):

Church Ladies With typewriters . .. .

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:   The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'  --------------------------  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.  --------------------------  Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.  --------------------------   Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.  --------------------------   At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.  --------------------------  Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.   --------------------------  The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.  --------------------------  Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.  --------------------------  Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

--------------------------  Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.  --------------------------  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.  -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Txtn 4 Gma

My boss sent this to me at work. I loved it. It may also come in useful if one of your Grandparents sends you a text message.

She also apologised to those who had better things to read about. I evidently didn't:

I thought the following listing was appropriate...after all, the kids have all their little codes...like BFF, WTF, etc.  So here are some codes for seniors: 

 

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair 
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTP - Where's the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil 

Hope these help! !!!!!

It isn't global warming after all...

What women want.

If you can use it, use it. If you can't use it yet, remember it. If you can't remember it, use it so you will.

Rage against the Red-Headed She Beast.

Am I the only one who's DAMN dirty about Gillard giving the Greens a 20 per cent cut of her levy?

Please tell me I'm not!

Make a noise, people.