The Plight of Perfectionism

I'm a perfectionist. I have been for most of my life. Sometimes even bordering on OCD when it comes to certain things.

I've heard a few ideas on perfectionism, and the one that particularly intrigues me is one which suggests that rather than simply trying to be high achievers, we perfectionists are more focused on the fear of failure. That's certainly true of me: I am terrified of the thought of failing at something, and even though the high marks which often accompany perfectionism are gratifying, there is always the nagging thought which says, 'You should have done better.'

I am also a terrible procrastinator. I could organise my way out of any dilemma, but if procrastination were currency, I'd be metaphorically rolling in it.

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I once heard a helpful idea which tries to link the two - perfectionism and procrastination. Basically, a lot of procrastinators procrastinate because they are afraid of failing at whatever they keep putting off. Again, this is certainly true of me.

For instance, at the moment, I should be working on my composition assignment. I love music, and I love writing music, but because I'm so afraid that what I come up with is going to be potentially offensive on a cellular level, I am sitting here writing my ideas about procrastination instead.

Incidentally, this makes you, dear reader, complicit in my procrastination. Thanks for being a part of it.

In the past few months I've formed my own theory about why we procrastinate, and the different ways people work out there perfectionist tendencies. I'm sure these have been postulated before by others, but I've never heard them, and I've come up with these on my own, so I'm not going to cite anyone and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

If one's perfectionism stems from fearing failure, I think people respond in either one of two ways:

1. We procrastinate - we put things off because we're terrified of doing a bad job. Usually, when we get to it we do it well, but it's often a rush-job and could have been ten times better.

OR

2. We obsess over it - we put so much time and effort into it that it consumes us. Take the pianist who, to you and me, is amazing, but is still so insecure about his performance that he practices hours and hours and hours a day. The result is that he is a virtuoso in his art (likely in everyone's opinion but his own), but is his joy in his art dampened by his tireless pursuit to flee failure?

I'm certainly in the first category. I'd like to be in the second, because at least I'd have something to show for my stress.

What about you? Do you procrastinate? Which category would you assign yourself to? Do you work out perfectionism in a different way? What strategies do you use to avoid procrastination?

Appreciate any thoughts and feedback - this procrastination is killing me.

Although not as much as my composition, which I suppose I'd better try to get back to.

SG

Breaking News: Harmony Lecturer maimed by Parallel Octave.

A Harmony Lecturer has been seriously injured, caught off guard by a stray Parallel Octave created by one of his students. Only Sub-dominant injuries were sustained, thanks to quick action by a number of students who were Passing Notes at the time.

The court is expected to hear that while there was no apparent Motive, the student ought to have Anticipated the move,  and should consequently receive a Suspension.

The student was believed to be under the influence of a Prolonged Tonic.

Are you as messed-up as I am?

Something that sucks

Well, Life sucks sometimes. And that's completely normal.

Unfortunately, that normality is one of the things that can suck.

For some of us, sometimes can become a lot of the time, which can in turn become most of the time. It's a progression familiar to anyone who's done the K10 Depression screening tool at the GP's office. Yet somehow, ticking the boxes and scoring high doesn't seem to capture the enormous difficulty in facing another day at work, or that assignment, that communal meal, or even that coffee date with your best friend.

Sometimes, just getting out of bed and eating something is an achievement worth celebrating.

We rarely celebrate however, because we often suffer alone. Looking around, we see a community of people who have their lives together, which seems obvious from the way they act. They're not tormented by the same struggles of life, death, career, relationships, marriages, broken relationships, broken marriages, irrational anxiety, depression, their relationship with God, their identity, their sexuality, the expectations they're trying to live up to, and the dysfunctional coping mechanisms they resort to as they try to hold it all together.

That's an exhausting list. It was exhausting to write. And some of us are living a list similar to that every day.

With that list can come the constant feelings of isolation, loneliness and inadequacy (and even bigger issues such as depression and other mental illness). Our community can feel like an intimidating and alienating place, despite the fact that it is made up of wonderful people who, like us, more than likely don’t have it all together.

God knows this is a heavy burden to bear, and we long for a friend to help shoulder the load. But most of us will rarely ask for help. If a loved one has the good grace to enquire, we're more than prepared to dodge the real questions with a humourous remark or a furtive change of subject.

Sometimes it's because we think if we ignore our problems, they'll go away on their own. Most of the time we're afraid to be seen as weak. Messed-up. Too 'high-maintenance' for our friends to bother with. Even though we're usually not asking for answers or advice - just to be loved and cared for despite our brokenness, and reminded that we have a Hope what lies beyond this life.

Something that's good

For those of us living in the Christian community, we have amazing opportunities to love, share and pray for one another (not to mention those outside our walls). But we also have the opportunity to meet together and be reminded that we're not alone in our struggles, and that we can share our burdens in a safe environment, encourage each other from the word, pray for each other, and find out practical ways to help support each other.

Since I arrived in Sydney, I've been greatly blessed by a ministry at my church, which I'm hoping to replicate in the college residence where I live. The ministry is a great place where we:

• Meet together in an informal, confidential and non-judgmental environment
• Be refreshed and encouraged by God's Word
• Share as little or as much as we want
• Are prayed for
• Remember that we aren't alone in our earthly struggles
• Ask how we can practically love, support and serve one another.

I am hoping to replicate this ministry in the residential college where I live, very soon. For those of you who pray, please pray that it might be a blessing to those who need it, and that the residents would seek to love and serve one another within the group, but also (and more importantly) outside the group.

SG

Seven things to remember when moving to Sydney

A friend of mine moving from Townsville (North QLD) to Sydney recently asked me if I, having previously survived the move, had any tips for her. She has lived in Townsville all her life so it's a daunting prospect.

I shared with her some of the things I have learned in the process, and decided it would be worth blogging in case anybody else finds it of use.


1. Find a Christian support/social network quickly.

Depending on the number of people you know in Sydney (I knew a grand total of about four), this can be easy or hard. Try and lock yourself into a church sooner rather than later.

2. Don't look for the perfect church.

Because, a) you'll never find it, and b) you really are spoilt for choice down here. There are lots of quality churches and you could spend ages looking. In the end, I didn't visit all the recommendations on my list as it would have taken weeks. I found one I was happy with and stuck with it. Remember that you can always go looking again later if it turns out to be not what you thought.

3. Sydney isn't Townsville

Obvious, I know, but the atmosphere is very different down here. People are very busy and always doing things. Fortunately that's a culture thing, and you're free to move at your own pace. Don't let yourself get swept into the current if you're not ready.

4. Sydney people aren't Townsville people

A friend and mentor of mine mentioned to me before I moved down that Sydney people act like they've got it all together. We Queenslanders are usually more honest when life isn't going so well, but you don't hear this so much with the Sydney-ites. As a result, it's easy to feel like you're the only person in the entire city whose life is screwed up, but it's not true. I have also found it to be harder to form relationships where you can create that dynamic of sharing burdens, but leading by example is a good tactic here - if you're open and honest with people, they're more inclined to be open and honest with you.

5. Friendships take time

When I first moved to Townsville, it took about five years before I finally had very, very close friends, and of course they are what I miss most about Townsville. It can be a scary prospect when you consider that it might take another five years to grow those kind of friendships again, but you have to be patient.

6. Don't be afraid to reinvent yourself

If you've lived in somewhere all your life, you've probably lived under a whole heap of expectations from family, friends, the church, etc. These can be great things which help make you the person you are, but finding independence and moving to a new place can be a great opportunity to make changes and be who you want to be. The people you'll meet will have no prior impressions or expectations of you, so the only person you should aim to please is God.

7. Remember: Nothing is permanent

If you get down here, and it's not what you thought it would be, you can always go home. A lot of people might view this as a personal failing, but rather than thinking of it as 'You weren't right for Sydney', think 'Sydney wasn't right for you'. You will always have people back home who will love you and welcome you back with open arms. This is a healthy perspective to keep, and will hopefully alleviate some of the pressure of the move.



What do you think? What would you be afraid of if you had to make such a big move? What have you done that's helped? What would you do differently next time?

SG

The first audition is always the worst

      Oh please, let it be so.


I wonder if Elton John remembers his first audition. I wonder if it was messy, awkward and embarrassing, or if it sparkled with the confidence and self-assurance that it takes to wear whole outfits just as sparkly.

I had my first audition this week, and while it was an experience I'd sooner forget, I'm sure I'll remember it for a long time to come.

To cut a long story short, I was made to do an impromptu 'audition' to get into a Ensemble class for the semester (a class made up of small groups in different musical formats). Despite the fact that I'm a Composition major, and was hoping for the vocal ensemble (where I could comfortably blend in with some other baritones and sway in all the right places), they wanted to put me into a group with Contemporary Performance majors. But they had to check I was up to scratch.

Thus ensued my unprepared, unrehearsed, nerve-wracked piano and singing audition, and, after bumbling through a rather awkward recital of 'Georgia on my mind' on the keys, I was asked to sing something.

I. Had. Nothing.

Nothing.

Drawing blanks.

Good grief, this is so embarrassing! He must think I'm such a twerp.

"Um, what would you like me to sing?" I asked, stalling for time.

"Anything you want," said he.

Thanks for your help. 

"Like what?" I persisted, silently pleading with God for either divine inspiration or a fatal aneurysm.

"Well, what you normally sing. What do you sing when you have a gig on a Friday night?"

Are you serious? I've never had a gig in my life! At least none that somebody's enjoyed so much they felt they needed to pay me for it! "Oh. Ok. Um..."

Nothing.

In hindsight, I could have sung a Disney song. I've done a couple of those at weddings. Or a Casting Crowns song - I had some good feedback on those when I'd performed at special church services.

Nothing. Nada. My head was as blank as the expression on my face.

And so, grasping at the first and only thing I could think of, that's how I came to sing 'Advance Australia Fair' for my audition into a Contemporary Performance class.

What. A dork.

If the bloke assessing me was laughing on the inside he deserves a damn medal for keeping himself composed. I don't know what he would have found funnier: my unrehearsed, off-pitch singing or the fact that the nervous fiddling with my necklace as I sang probably looked remarkably like holding my hand to my chest in a dedicated show of patriotism.

Please, just let the ground open up and swallow me whole...

Strangely enough, instead of my enrolment being cancelled on the spot, I was accepted into the class.

(As a pianist, fortunately...)

So now, whenever I hear our beloved National Anthem, I know I'm going to remember my first ever audition in the big, bad music world. And cringe.

Oh hell. The Olympics are on this year.

I'd better steer clear of the swimming.